.:: All of me just for Him ::.

First of all, happy new year everyone!

Before I moved on, I just wanted to jot down a few rantings on how noisy yesterday was around my house.  I couldn’t sleep a wink until about 1:30AM because somewhere close to my house people appeared to be having fun with fireworks.  BOOM, BOOM, BOOM…again and again…*sigh…I know it’s new year and all but didn’t they realise that some people needed to sleep!

Anyway, aside from all my rantings…let’s think about this new year.  2009 would be a difficult year, many people are predicting, especially in regards of the world economy and stability.  In my own country, there will be a presidential election and from past experiences pre and post-presidential election are not good times to be around.  And this year it will be more than 10 years after the May 1998 riot and the past pattern seemed to show that in every 10 years time there were chaos victimising Chinese Indonesians.  So 2009 doesn’t look very promising nationally and internationally, does it?

However, while the future seems so bleak, I would like to come back to my family’s quiet time yesterday.  My father was reading from some parts of Genesis, looking at Abraham’s life.  It is shown in those parts of Genesis that throughout Abraham’s life, God gave him a lot of promises.  “I will make you into a great nation”, “I will bless you”, “I will make your name great”…(Gen 12:1)…and throughout Genesis we can find lots of  “will”, “will” and “will”.  Lots of promises and no evidence of it happening soon!  Abraham was blessed with Isaac not 2, 3 years after the promise, but about 25 years afterwards!  And moreover, for most of the promises, Abraham didn’t even live to see them (e.g. Gen 15:5; Gen 17:6,8).

But regardless of it all, Abraham put his trust in God!  So God counted it as righteousness.

“Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.”

–Gen 15: 6

Let us learn from Abraham’s faith in God, who knew nothing of what would befall him but followed God’s orders regardless.

We don’t know what the future holds, but we can trust The One who holds the future.

- Our Daily Bread

May all of us have a blessed and faithful New Year.  God bless.

In about 3 more hours 2008 will pass…well, it is still another day in some parts of the world but in where I am now soon I will be facing a new year.

So, before I start rambling about what I will be doing in 2009 tomorrow I shall start by doing a bit of reflection on the year 2008.  2008…what a year.  So many things happened in the year: the drama of U.S. Presidential Election, Heath Ledger’s death, the downfall of the world economy, the bizzare wheather in Melbourne where I was spending most of my time this year…and so many other things.

But for me personally this year has been a year of blessings.  I, for the first time in my life, was placed in a church where I belong, where I do not just receive but can also contribute.  Probably that is the first thing that I am so thankful about to Him this year.  Not just a church, but new friends, new community, a new cell group, and spiritual growth – which although slow but is present.

Another thing would be about my living arrangement in Melbourne, I had to move out earlier this year but I managed to get a good place and up till now am still living there (I’m hoping that I can stay there for another year).  What’s more is that, despite all troubles with my studies (mostly caused by my laziness, I shamely have to admit), I could still pass all my subject (aside from the one subject that I have to withdraw from because of the timetable thingy).  And me getting a job at a good place, and me getting to spend more time with my parents this year because of my dad’s Sabbatical semester (which he used partly to visit us in Melbourne).  And also, I’m very thankful for another year of health, more-than-enough living, and most of all the presence and health of my parents and brothers, and all my relatives.

So many things I was blessed with this year, and I can’t credit it to anyone else but Him.

Of course it hasn’t been an easy year.  I have a year of downfall in my study (which I am now so ashamed of), a year of up and down in my spirituality growth, a heartbreak, etc.  But through it all, I am mostly glad of the chance that He still has given me: another year of life, full of love, family and friends.  When I reflected back to all the things that He has allowed to happen in my life this year, I can’t help but to be amazed by how wonderful His love and works are on me.

Now, now, let me get away from my computer for a while to think and start making a list of resolutions that I can keep for 2009.

This past one week has been one week in which I learned a lot of things.

First of all, I was heartbroken.

Well, not really heartbroken as in rejected by the person I like.  It’s just that I realised that this attraction that I’m feeling is not doing me any good.  Also, because, in line with what I have been feeling but won’t admit, the person whose judgment I trust the most told me that he is just not the one for me (or at least, that i shouldn’t hope for him).

How does it feel to be told by someone you trust the most the thing that you least wanna hear?  I must tell you, it doesn’t feel nice.  It was a horrible feeling.  But it was a wake up call.  So I’m stepping back, or at least, I vowed to myself to step back.

I was feeling horrible inside for at least a day but as always, God was too kind to me.  He reminded me on this resolution that I wrote during a seminar last July through ways that I never expected.  Firstly, it was through my own dad’s sermon.  It was a sermon on Jonah, and how like all of us always do, we shape our own “God” according to what we want.  And one point that was talked about was regarding God’s will, and somehow the resolution that I made just flashed through my mind.

Resolved, to make God’s will mine.

Meaning: I want to follow whatever God’s will is wholeheartedly, not because it is forced on me, but because I am His servant only, and His will shall be mine as well.

The second part of His answer came during my KTB (bible study group) session this week, through the prayer of the preacher leading the session.  We were talking about Psalm 127 in the opening of the session and then just suddenly when she prayed, she spoke some sentences which I will not be telling here but which just stroke me right on the heart. It is another answer that I got to calm my troubled heart.

And God’s reminder and answer did not stop there. I was going to the university the other day and while waiting for my parents in the city, I went to the bookshop, looking for this Beginner Latin book which I just couldn’t seem to find.  I checked and checked the shelf again and after I gave up, I took this Latin phrase book and opened the book.  And guess what sentence suddenly went highlighted on my sight?

ducit Dominus. The Lord leads.

I was stunned. For me now, this kind of problem seems to be a very silly problem in God’s sight.  But still He cares that I cried.  He cares that I’m troubled.  He cares.  And He reminded me of the most important thing: that He knows what is best for me and that He is in control of everything.  I just have to follow His lead.

This week, I learned how to admit things that I don’t want to admit.  I learned how it feels to be “heartbroken”.  But above all, I learned more about His kindness; and I learned to be led by the best shepherd.

I guess one simple yet important thing that my parent have taught me since I was young is to remember important days (eg birthdays) especially of those that are dear to you. And since I don’t know when, both my parents taught us to give special thing on that special days; when I was a kid if it was, say, my mom’s birthday, my dad would buy a card and he secretly told us to write something special to her and we would give it to her on the D day.

Few days ago was my parents 22nd anniversary. They were in Sydney and wanting to give a surprise I pretended that I had forgot. Well, my brothers would never remember birthday without me reminding them so none of us congratulated them. But my mom, knowing that I am not the type who forgets people’s birthdays, became suspicious and so when they got back yesterday evening it seemed that my parents were expecting it. However, since I noticed my mother’s suspicion, I postponed giving the cake out until later that evening. And I loved how they liked my surprise.

It seems simple, yet little surprises like that can be really important to the person who receives it. Sometimes people take that for granted.

Happy Anniversary my dear parents <3<3<3